Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Balancing Grief and Gratitude

I haven't been able to bring myself to write anything or blog in the past five days. I have been weeping and weeping with those in Newtown, Connecticut who are weeping. I am just so heartbroken for each family. And then this morning there was the story of the one child who survived the attack because she had the wherewithal to pretend she was dead. Oh, mercy. And the faces. The fresh, sweet, innocent, smiling faces. I just don't have it in me right now to say much. I have been spending more time with my children (yes, I'm home with them already, but you know, really being with them). We've played games and baked and watched movies and read books. We were going to do all those things anyway, but it's been in a different atmosphere than I had planned.

So, I am still weeping and thinking of those precious people who are starting to hold the funerals for their loved ones. I am praying and speaking the peace and comfort of Jesus over each one. I can't, maybe it's won't, get back to life as usual quite yet. I refuse because there is no "normal" for them anymore. Their new normal won't come for awhile. It will come. God has a plan to bring good out of this tragedy. He always has a plan, even in the midst of evil. I don't believe He "called" those children home, in the sense that He planned for or wanted them to be murdered on Friday, but I know that He loves each one and welcomed them into heaven. But I will not go on with business as usual out of honour and respect to the town in Connecticut that is still reeling from Friday's atrocities.

God is blessing me in so many ways right now. It feels like such a dichotomy...the grief and the gratitude. I'm just giving it all back to Him. He can handle it all.

Have you seen this yet? It's a beautiful song (I've always liked CeeLo). The gritty imagery just seems fitting...


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